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Funny Quote of the Day

Welcome to these Funny Quotes of the Day from my large collection of positive, romantic, and funny quotes.

You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill

Related topics: Wisdom Values Cynical Cute Whimsey Courage Value Self

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde PHOTO

A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer

When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw

 

Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks-
if we agree with him.
- Mark Twain

When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous Saying
(Sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson)


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller

Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?
- Mark Twain

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar

A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain

When you think you're out of time,
smile, and turn back the clock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein

When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain

The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous

My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
- Milton Berle

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

One day Alice came to a fork in the road
and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
His responses was a question: "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll

Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid

Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon

An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes

The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Times like these, dark times,
they do funny things to people.
They can tear them apart.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash

Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole

Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg

Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous

I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

Whenever I feel the need to exercise,
I lie down until it goes away.
- Robert Maynard Hutchins

I'm just preparing my impromptu remarks.
- Winston Churchill

What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
- Steve Martin

As to marriage or celibacy, let a man
take which course he will,
he will be sure to repent.
- Socrates

Sometimes I've believed as many as
six impossible things before breakfast.
- Lewis Carroll

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.
- Germaine Greer

I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono

True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal

I love deadlines.
I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
- Douglas Adams

When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
- W. C. Fields

All you need is love.
But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
- Charles M. Schulz

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

Today is my day to laugh at life.
Laugh loud - laugh often.
Laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad.
Laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I refuse to answer that question
on the grounds that I don't know the answer
- Douglas Adams

Laugh Loud - Laugh Often
Laugh At What's Funny - Laugh At What's Sad
Laugh At Me - Laugh At You - Laugh At Life
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain

It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham

The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.
- Albert Einstein

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

Love is an endless mystery,
for it has nothing else to explain it.
- Rabindranath Tagore

All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth
or burn down your house, you can never tell.
- Joan Crawford

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel

You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous


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May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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