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Marriage has no guarantees.
by Erma Bombeck

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

Related topics: Funny Marriage

If life is a bowl of cherries, then what am I doing in the pits?
- Erma Bombeck

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck

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Thank you for joining me on this journey we call life,
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous

Marriage, ultimately, is the practice of
becoming passionate friends.
- Harville Hendrix

For a happy marriage,
love and accept your spouse just the way they are.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When you make the sacrifice in marriage,
you're sacrificing not to each other
but to unity in a relationship.
- Joseph Campbell

The fewer secrets you have, the happier you will be.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Don't marry the person you think you can live with;
marry only the individual you think you can't live without.
- James C. Dobson

Gift the love of your life with undistracted,
untelevisioned, unhurried attentiveness.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

You are my home - the place to which I always return.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Every good relationship, especially marriage, is based on respect.
If it's not based on respect,
nothing that appears to be good will last very long.
- Amy Grant

True love means putting the other person before yourself,
and honoring the relationship above all.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A dream you dream alone is only a dream.
A dream you dream together becomes reality.
- John Lennon

Our loved ones -
whether by blood, by marriage, or by choice -
are delicate treasures.
If we hold them too close, they break -
as a butterfly would.
By honoring and enjoying
the freedom of our loved ones,
we gain our own freedom.
Have the courage to trust that
the beautiful butterflies of your life
will return - or not - as life intends.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The hardest of all, is learning to be
a well of affection, and not a fountain,
to show them that we love them,
not when we feel like it, but when they do.
- Nan Fairbrother

I used to tell my husband that,
if he could make me "understand" something,
it would be clear to all the other people in the country.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Make sure you never, never argue at night.
You just lose a good night's sleep,
and you can't settle anything until morning anyway.
- Rose Kennedy

There is no substitute for the comfort supplied
by the utterly taken-for-granted relationship.
- Iris Murdoch

Love allows your beloved the freedom to be unlike you.
Attachment asks for conformity to your needs and desires.
Love imposes no demands.
Attachment expresses an overwhelming demand - "Make me feel whole."
Love expands beyond the limits of two people.
Attachment tries to exclude everything but two people.
- Deepak Chopra in The Path to Love

Consider being more acceptive of your partner's behaviors.
It is unlikely that they are intentionally aggravating you.
Almost always, they are just doing what they think they should do.
Try setting aside your own rules for how they should behave,
and adopt a live-and-let-live attitude.
Your relationship will become stronger and happier if you do.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A divorce is like an amputation:
you survive it, but there's less of you.
- Margaret Atwood

The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple:
you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities
but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
- Quentin Crisp

You can learn how to let go of the past.
Whether you have experienced a break up
with someone you cared for deeply,
whether death has taken a loved one,
whether you have had a feud with a friend or family member,
whether you have lost a job.
Move on and let go.
Life can be joyful and rewarding again.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

In a relationship, when does the art of compromise become compromising?
- Sarah Jessica Parker

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

When people get married because they think
it's a long-time love affair,
they'll be divorced very soon,
because all love affairs end in disappointment.
But marriage is a recognition of a spiritual identity.
- Joseph Campbell

My husband melted my heart the day he asked me,
"Can I participate in your wonder?"
In whose wonder do you get to participate today?
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does.
Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.
- James A. Baldwin

Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.
- Larry David

Each relationship nurtures a strength or weakness within you.
- Mike Murdock

Love your spouse as they are,
and forgive them everything.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The one who loves the least, controls the relationship.
- Robert Anthony

By all means marry.
If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher
and that is a good thing for any man.
- Socrates

The greatest roadblock to a great relationship
is trying to force a partner to change through bribes or threats.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

A Great Relationship is the Dance of Two Great Lives.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck.
If you live through it, you start looking
very carefully to the right and to the left.
- Jean Kerr

I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

Not everyone is always going to like what you do.
Your job application, your book proposal,
your offer of marriage is going to
get rejected sometimes - perhaps often.
Your boss, your spouse, even the person
behind you in the supermarket checkout line
is occasionally going to think that you are doing it all wrong.
Don't take it personally.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Marriage is a wonderful institution,
but who would want to live in an institution?
- H. L. Mencken

In a bad marriage, friends are the invisible glue.
If we have enough friends, we may go on for years,
intending to leave, talking about leaving -
instead of actually getting up and leaving.
- Erica Jong

My Loved One
You are my ground and you are my rainbow.
You are my butterfly and you are my ecstasy.
You are the start of my journeys and always my destination.
You are my home - the place to which I always return.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The four most important words in any marriage...
"I'll do the dishes."
- Anonymous

As to marriage or celibacy, let a man
take which course he will,
he will be sure to repent.
- Socrates

There are four stages in a marriage.
First there's the affair,
then the marriage,
then children
and finally the fourth stage,
without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.
- Norman Mailer

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- Henny Youngman

If you have been divorced, you know it hurts -
especially if your marriage had lasted many years.
Whatever the circumstances of your relationship,
and whatever the nature of its ending,
there is always grief and regret -
perhaps regret over the ending,
or perhaps regret over not ending the relationship sooner -
or perhaps both.
Nonetheless, move past the grief and regret.
No matter how painful, divorce, like all endings,
opens the door to new beginnings.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.
- Germaine Greer

Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
- Anonymous

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water.
After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
- Minnie Pearl

I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx

The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine

Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband
a month before she marries him
and what she thinks of him a year afterward,
and you will have the truth about him.
- H. L. Mencken

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous

Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

There is more of good nature than of good sense
at the bottom of most marriages.
- Henry David Thoreau

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police
because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
- Ilie Nastase

Great relationships begin with two people who are each
self confident and who come to each other with the openness
to see and accept the other as a unique and wonderful person.
If there is true love and an alignment of fundamental values,
choose to join your life with your new partner
and vow never to criticize their nature -
the essence that makes them uniquely themselves.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives
as much as if we had never married at all.
- Lord Byron

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

Thank you for visiting: Marriage has no guarantees. by Erma Bombeck.

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May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie