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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it. ...
by George Carlin

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
- George Carlin

Related topics: Cynical Funny

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin

As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin

I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin

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Thank you for joining me on this journey we call life,
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin

If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
- George Carlin

Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- George Carlin

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- George Carlin

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American
recently passed each other in opposite directions.
- George Carlin

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
- George Carlin

Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin

Inside every cynical person,
there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- George Carlin

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin

So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- George Carlin

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance:
It attempts to work things out so that
everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from
getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
- George Carlin

Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin

Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing,
of just going along,
listening to all the things you can't hear,
and not bothering.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Know the power and the peace of saying,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences.
No one can eliminate prejudices -
just recognize them.
- Edward R. Murrow

If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.
- Mother Teresa

"Just living is not enough," said the butterfly,
"one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower."
- Hans Christian Andersen

Just when the caterpillar thought
the world was over, it became a butterfly.
- Anonymous

A friend is someone who knows all about you,
and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard

The River of Life has no meaning,
no good, no bad, no better, no worse,
no love, no hate, no fear, no anger, no joy.
The River of Life has no judgment, no expectation.
The River of Life just IS.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Without zest, what is life?
Just waiting for death?
- Osho

Just smiling goes a long way toward
making you feel better about life.
And when you feel better about life, your life is better.
- Art Linkletter

People should think things out fresh
and not just accept conventional terms
and the conventional way of doing things.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Just Do it!
- Nike ad

As for accomplishments,
I just did what I had to do as things came along.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

One can flow harmoniously with the River -
or one can struggle fearfully against the River -
and the River just flows.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Hold on... Joyfully.
Holding-on does not have to be
a desperate teeth-gritting kind of holding-on.
Holding-on can be a joyful
"this is just the nature of Life,
so I may as well enjoy it"
kind of holding-on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I have just three things to teach:
simplicity, patience, compassion.
These three are your greatest treasures.
- Lao Tzu

Always dream and shoot higher than you know you can do.
Don't bother just to be better than
your contemporaries or predecessors.
Try to be better than yourself.
- William Faulkner

Most people give up just when
they're about to achieve success.
They quit on the one yard line.
They give up at the last minute of the game,
one foot from a winning touch down.
- Ross Perot

For a happy marriage,
love and accept your spouse just the way they are.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Non-violence is a powerful and just weapon which cuts without wounding
and ennobles the man who wields it. It is a sword that heals.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

You remember lesson about balance?
Lesson not just karate only. Lesson for whole life.
Whole life have a balance. Everything be better. Understand?
- Miyagi: character in the movie Karate Kid

To have done anything just for money
is to have been truly idle.
- Henry David Thoreau

Never give up, for that
is just the place and time
that the tide will turn.
- Harriet Beecher Stowe

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
- Dave Barry

If you understand, things are just as they are;
if you do not understand, things are just as they are.
- Zen Proverb

Is today a day to gather strength from the storm -
a day to to learn life lessons for the next battle?
Or is today a day to sit by the fire
and watch the storm rage outside?
Either way, the storm is just life.
Give thanks for all of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You can have anything you want in life if you
just help enough other people get what they want.
- Zig Ziglar

Life is NOT "Supposed to be Fair."
Know that there is no single way that life is "supposed" to be.
Demanding that life meet our expectations
is a sure fire recipe for a miserable existence.
Life is a game with no rules.
Life just happens to us regardless of our best intentions.
Our only path to happiness lies in being open
to receiving whatever life throws at us -
with Gratitude. Have NO Expectations of life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Improve what you can
and accept all the rest of life
just as it comes.
Know that fear is your worst enemy -
perhaps your only enemy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The best of a book is not the thought which it contains,
but the thought which it suggests;
just as the charm of music dwells not in the tones
but in the echoes of our hearts.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes

Everything is a miracle,
not just the beautiful and lovely things.
- Anonymous

Love is like a beautiful flower
which I may not touch,
but whose fragrance makes the garden
a place of delight just the same.
- Helen Keller

I never had a policy;
I have just tried to do my very best each and every day.
- Abraham Lincoln

The magic words for a great relationship are,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There is nothing to do.
There is nothing to say.
There is nothing to think.
There is nothing to feel.
The River of Life just flows.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A closed mind is like a closed book;
just a block of wood.
- Chinese proverb

Leaders aren't born they are made.
And they are made just like anything else, through hard work.
And that's the price we'll have to pay
to achieve that goal, or any goal.
- Vince Lombardi

What if we just acted like everything was easy?
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up.
The most certain way to succeed
is always to try just one more time.
- Thomas A. Edison

People are just as happy
as they make up their minds to be.
- Abraham Lincoln

What if we just pretended that life was easy?
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Just start dancing and the band will find you.
- Tama Kieves

I have not failed.
I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
- Thomas Edison

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

Don't bother just to be better than
your contemporaries or predecessors.
Try to be better than yourself.
- William Faulkner

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May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie