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What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists?
by Woody Allen

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists?
In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
- Woody Allen

Related topics: Funny

Eighty percent of success is showing up.
- Woody Allen

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have,
instead of what you don't have.
- Woody Allen

Tradition is the illusion of permanence.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

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Thank you for joining me on this journey we call life,
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
- Woody Allen

There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
We were meant to be afraid.
- the Woody Allen movie Anything Else

I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

I'm awash in self-contempt!
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

I'm going to go in the bathroom and scream.
I'll be out in a minute.
- the Woody Allen movie What's New Pussycat

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
- Woody Allen

I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen

You have no values. With you its all nihilism,
cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

The lion and the calf shall lie down together,
but the calf won't get much sleep.
- Woody Allen

The food at this place is really terrible ...
and such small portions.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)

I have a very pessimistic view of life.
You should know this about me if we're gonna go out.
You know, I - I feel that life is -
is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
Those are the two categories, you know.
The - the horrible would be like, um,
I don't know, terminal cases, you know,
and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life.
It's amazing to me. You know, and the miserable is everyone else.
That's - that's - so - so - when you go through life -
you should be thankful that you're miserable
because you're very lucky to be miserable.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

I have a very low threshold of death.
My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
- the Woody Allen movie Casino Royale

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year
for cheating on my metaphysics final ...
I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Money is better than poverty,
if only for financial reasons.
- Woody Allen

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

Attitude is everything.
- Charles Swindoll

Everything has beauty,
but not everyone sees it.
- Confucius

Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.
- Lao Tzu

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
- Albert Einstein

Only those who can leave behind everything they
have ever believed in can hope to escape.
- William S. Burroughs

The moment there is suspicion about a person's motives,
everything he does becomes tainted.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end.
It's not a day when you lounge around doing nothing;
it's when you've had everything to do, and you've done it.
- Margaret Thatcher

A man who is a master of patience is master of everything else.
- George Savile

It is against everything we stand for to take a human life.
Making an exception to that code is a bleak thing.
- Sam, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer

Nearly everything you do is of no importance,
but it is important that you do it.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Everything is not as it appears to be.
- Proverb

When we try to pick out anything by itself,
we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.
- John Muir

Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.
- Lewis Carroll

Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact.
Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.
- Marcus Aurelius

Everything is a miracle,
not just the beautiful and lovely things.
- Anonymous

Winning isn't everything, but wanting to win is.
- Vince Lombardi

He who has health has hope,
and he who has hope has everything.
- Anonymous

Personal importance, or taking things personally,
is the maximum expression of selfishness
because we make the assumption that everything is about me.
- don Miguel Ruiz

In spite of everything, I still believe
that people are really good at heart.
I simply can't build up my hopes on a foundation
consisting of confusion, misery and death.
- Anne Frank

What if we just acted like everything was easy?
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Not everything that can be counted counts,
and not everything that counts can be counted.
- Albert Einstein

The Universe is one great kindergarten for man.
Everything that exists has brought
with it its own peculiar lesson.
- Orison Swett Marden

Most everything in life is about our
point-of-view rather than any absolute.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We cling to our own point of view,
as though everything depended on it.
Yet our opinions have no permanence;
like autumn and winter, they gradually pass away.
- Zhuangzi

For everything you have missed,
you have gained something else,
and for everything you gain,
you lose something else.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Half of everything you were ever taught is wrong;
the question is which half.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Ah, not everything is as seems...
- Miyagi: character in the movie Karate Kid

When I'm trusting and being myself...
everything in my life reflects this
by falling into place easily, often miraculously.
- Shakti Gawain

Not everything that casts a long shadow is to be feared.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There is a crack in everything,
that's how the light gets in.
- Leonard Cohen

Love is the ultimate meaning of everything around us.
Love is not a mere sentiment.
Love is the ultimate truth at the heart of creation.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Love them as they are,
and forgive them everything.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Everything that we see is a shadow
cast by that which we do not see.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world,
and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.
- Norman Vincent Peale

There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein

If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right,
you'll probably never do much of anything.
- Win Borden

Everything is okay in the end.
If it's not okay, then it's not the end.
- Anonymous

Remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons.
Love yourself, trust your choices, and everything is possible.
- Cherie-Carter Scotts

The mind is everything.
What you think you become.
- The Buddha

Integrity is the essence of everything successful.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Everything that can be counted
does not necessarily count;
everything that counts cannot necessarily be counted.
- Albert Einstein

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May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie