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Cynical Quotes
Cynical Sayings (9)
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
Join the army. Visit strange and exotic places.
Meet fascinating people. And kill them.
- Anonymous
It is the things for which there is no evidence
that are believed with passion.
- Bertrand Russell
Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
A lifelong friend is someone
you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Anonymous
When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Love thy neighbor -
and if he happens to be tall,
debonair and devastating,
it will be that much easier.
- Mae West
Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
- Laurence J. Peter
A wedding is just like a funeral
except that you get to smell your own flowers.
- Grace Hansen
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain
The rarest quality in an epitaph is truth.
- Henry David Thoreau
This town needs an enema.
- the movie Batman
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down
rat holes with baited breath.
- W. C. Fields
Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
I feel coming on a strange disease - humility.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
The natural cause of the human mind
is certainly from credulity to skepticism.
- Thomas Jefferson
A woman in love can't be reasonable -
or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West
Socialism is a philosophy of failure,
the creed of ignorance,
and the gospel of envy,
its inherent virtue is
the equal sharing of misery.
- Winston Churchill
It's so sweet, I feel like my teeth
are rotting when I listen to the radio.
- Bono
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year
for cheating on my metaphysics final ...
I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks
Most of what we call management consists of
making it difficult for people to get their work done.
- Peter F. Drucker
The believing mind is eternally impervious to evidence.
- H. L. Mencken
He who joyfully marches in rank and file
has already earned my contempt.
He has been given a large brain by mistake,
since for him the spinal cord would suffice.
- Albert Einstein
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
- Woody Allen
A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.
- Will Rogers
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
My way of joking is telling the truth;
that is the funniest joke in the world.
- George Bernard Shaw
I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police
because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
- Ilie Nastase
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull.
- H. L. Mencken
Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president,
but they don't want them to become politicians in the process.
- John F. Kennedy
Human beings must have action;
and they will make it if they cannot find it.
- Albert Einstein
I am free of prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
- W. C. Fields
War is mainly a catalogue of blunders.
- Winston Churchill
The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner
The whole problem with the world is that
fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves,
but wiser people so full of doubts.
- Bertrand Russell
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
- Anonymous
Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.
- Oscar Wilde
Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller
Thank God men cannot fly, and lay waste
the sky as well as the earth.
- Henry David Thoreau
It has been my experience that folks who
have no vices, have very few virtues.
- Abraham Lincoln
Politics is almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous.
In war you can only be killed once, but in politics many times.
- Winston Churchill
A fashion is nothing but an induced epidemic.
- George Bernard Shaw
This being grown up isn't all it's cracked up to be.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A fool and his money are soon elected.
- Will Rogers
Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz
Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)
She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak;
courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
- Winston Churchill
In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar -
a practice which is still continued.
- Helen Rowland
All gods are homemade, and it is we who pull their strings,
and so, give them the power to pull ours.
- Aldous Huxley
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
In war, you can only be killed once,
but in politics, many times.
- Winston Churchill
It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau
In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek
A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails,
and then asks you not to kill him.
- Winston Churchill
Those who can win a war well can rarely make a good peace
and those who could make a good peace
would never have won the war.
- Winston Churchill
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
Guilt for being rich,
and guilt thinking that perhaps love and peace isn't enough
and you have to go and get shot or something.
- John Lennon
It has always been a mystery to me
how men can feel themselves honored
by the humiliation of their fellow beings.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Technological progress is like an axe
in the hands of a pathological criminal.
- Albert Einstein
These capitalists generally act harmoniously and in concert,
to fleece the people.
- Abraham Lincoln
Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
- John Lennon
Everybody loves you when you're six foot in the ground.
- John Lennon
I believe totally in a Capitalist System,
I only wish that someone would try it.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
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