Cynical Quotes
Cynical Sayings (5)

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Related topics: Funny Marriage

Unless they share our opinions,
we seldom find people sensible.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

I tremble for my country when I reflect that God
is just; that his justice cannot sleep forever.
- Thomas Jefferson

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn

Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
- Groucho Marx

I have lost friends, some by death ...
others by sheer inability to cross the street.
- Virginia Woolf

There is no such thing as public opinion.
There is only published opinion.
- Winston Churchill

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha

There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
- John Lennon

A lot of presidential memoirs, they say, are dull and self-serving.
I hope mine is interesting and self-serving.
- William J. Clinton

The simple life is everything Vogue isn't.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons
out of the hands of fools.
Let's start with typewriters.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

Television is chewing gum for the eyes.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious
as to have friends at a distance;
they make the latitudes and the longitudes.
- Henry David Thoreau

There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world,
and the worst of it is that half of them are true.
- Winston Churchill

Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson

Everything that can be invented has been invented.
- Charles H. Duell [attributed]
(Commissioner, US Patent Office, in 1899)

Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull.
- H. L. Mencken

Suppose you were an idiot,
and suppose you were a member of Congress;
but I repeat myself.
- Mark Twain

Nothing is more cheerful than talking
about our friends' shortcomings.
- Mason Cooley

I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin

Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

I personally think we developed language
because of our deep need to complain.
- Lily Tomlin

If it turns out that there IS a God,
I don't think that he's evil.
I think that the worst you can say about him
is that basically he's an underachiever.
- the movie Love and Death

What do I think of Western civilization?
I think it would be a very good idea.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer

Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.
- Mark Twain

Every hero becomes a bore at last.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Some cause happiness wherever they go;
others whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde

So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- George Carlin

In religion and politics, people's belief's and convictions
are in almost every case gotten at second hand,
and without examination
- Mark Twain

Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.
- Mark Twain

I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives
as much as if we had never married at all.
- Lord Byron

All religions are the same:
Religion is basically guilt, with different holidays.
- Cathy Ladman

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

The rarest quality in an epitaph is truth.
- Henry David Thoreau

Victory has a thousand fathers,
but defeat is an orphan.
- John F. Kennedy

The invisible and nonexistent look much alike.
- Delos B. McKown

The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning
I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
- Winston Churchill

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother
rather than all major credit cards.
- Robert Orben

It has always been a mystery to me
how men can feel themselves honored
by the humiliation of their fellow beings.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.
- Mark Twain

I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

This report, by its very length, defends itself
against the risk of being read.
- Winston Churchill

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
- Albert Schweitzer

A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Love is a grave mental disease.
- Plato

Procrastination is like a credit card:
it's a lot of fun until you get the bill.
- Christopher Parker

Puritanism. The haunting fear that
someone, somewhere, may be happy.
- H. L. Mencken

I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau

My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
- H. L. Mencken

The sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent
will not pass until there is
an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Thank God men cannot fly, and lay waste
the sky as well as the earth.
- Henry David Thoreau

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.
- Dave Barry

I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain

Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead

A nation that continues year after year
to spend more money on military defense
than on programs of social uplift
is approaching spiritual doom.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to
criticize or attack the government of my own country.
I make up for lost time when I come home.
- Winston Churchill

The world's mental.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin

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