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Whenever I date a guy, I think,
by Rita Rudner

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

Related topics: Funny Marriage

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

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Thank you for joining me on this journey we call life,
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner

I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner

Whenever you do a thing,
act as if all the world were watching.
- Thomas Jefferson

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority,
it is time to pause and reflect.
- Mark Twain

Whenever you are asked if you can do a job,
tell 'em, Certainly I Can. -
and get busy and find out how to do it.
- Theodore Roosevelt

Where there is unconditional love,
there is no room for unhappiness.
Whenever I look in the mirror today,
I will say to myself: "That Is The Face Of God."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Whenever you are angry, be assured that
it is not only a present evil,
but that you have increased a habit.
- Epictetus

Whenever you're in conflict with someone,
there is one factor that can make the difference
between damaging your relationship and deepening it.
That factor is attitude.
- William James

Be kind whenever possible; and it is always possible.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

I can release my "responsibilities",
and be "impractical" whenever I choose.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Whenever the World Frowns, I Smile Back.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We cause ourselves untold misery whenever we believe
others to be imperfect and try to change them.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Happiness lies in accepting everyone
in our lives EXACTLY as they are.
We cause ourselves untold misery whenever
we believe others to be imperfect and try to change them.
This is the number one rule for a happy relationship.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Whenever I look in the mirror,
I say to myself: "That Is The Face Of God."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We disrespect ourselves and our free-will
whenever we say that we NEED to do something.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Whenever I look at a human face,
I say to myself: "That Is The Face Of God."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love is missing someone whenever you're apart,
but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart.
- Kay Knudsen

Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming
that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Whenever you choose to carry resentment and hatred,
you are shouldering an immense burden that damages
your happiness, and often your health.
Does it matter that your resentment and hatred are "justified?"
Only you suffer - not the person you resent.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Whenever a man or women is truly inspired,
it is because the same One Universal Spirit
is doing the inspiring.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Whenever God wakes in us, our thinking
becomes clear - nothing is missing.
- St. Thomas Aquinas

Whenever I feel the need to exercise,
I lie down until it goes away.
- Robert Maynard Hutchins

May God grant you always...
A sunbeam to warm you,
a moonbeam to charm you,
a sheltering Angel so nothing can harm you.
Laughter to you.
Faithful friends near you.
And whenever you pray,
Heaven to hear you.
- Irish Blessing

Home is our sanctuary, where we:
relax into being ourselves,
play with our inner child,
paint the walls green and pink,
dig in the dirt,
grow something,
love somebody else,
love ourselves even more,
snuggle with a warm blanket on a Sunday afternoon,
hang "go away" on the door whenever we want,
clean and tidy often... or never,
launch from and return to,
are truly ourselves.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Anger and Danger are intimately intertwined.
An angry person is a dangerous person,
whether that person crosses our path
or whether the angry person is ourself.
To complete the anger/danger cycle,
whenever we feel threatened -
when we believe we are in danger -
we tend to exhibit anger as well as fear.
We look for someone to blame for the dangerous situation,
and direct our anger toward them.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Whenever I look at a human face today,
I will say to myself: "That Is The Face Of God."
Whenever I look in the mirror today,
I will say to myself: "That Is The Face Of God."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Whenever I find the key to success,
someone changes the lock.
- Anonymous

The will to believe chases out the rational mind,
whenever and wherever the two come into conflict.
- Philip K. Dick

Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery,
I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.
- Abraham Lincoln

Whenever the people are well-informed,
they can be trusted with their own government.
- Thomas Jefferson

Some cause happiness wherever they go;
others whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde

Whenever a man has cast a longing eye on offices,
a rottenness begins in his conduct.
- Thomas Jefferson

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash

Discourage litigation.
Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can.
As a peacemaker the lawyer has
superior opportunity of being a good man.
There will still be business enough.
- Abraham Lincoln

This country, with its institutions,
belongs to the people who inhabit it.
Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government,
they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it,
or exercise their revolutionary right to overthrow it.
- Abraham Lincoln

Allow the president to invade a neighboring nation,
whenever he shall deem it necessary to repel an invasion,
and you allow him to do so whenever he may choose
to say he deems it necessary for such a purpose -
and you allow him to make war at pleasure.
- Abraham Lincoln

Christmas ... is not a date. It is a state of mind.
- Mary Ellen Chase

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

What we think, we become.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make the world.
- The Buddha

It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are,
or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.
It is what you think about.
- Dale Carnegie

Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller

To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu

People should think things out fresh
and not just accept conventional terms
and the conventional way of doing things.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The eyes are not responsible when the mind does the seeing.
- Publilius Syrus

The most important thing about Spaceship Earth -
an instruction book didn't come with it.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

People hardly ever make use of the freedom which they have,
for example, freedom of thought;
instead they demand freedom of speech as a compensation.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

We should not pretend to understand the world
only by the intellect.
The judgment of the intellect
is only part of the truth.
- Carl Jung

To kill an error is as good a service as,
and sometimes even better than,
the establishing of a new truth or fact.
- Charles Darwin

The most incomprehensible thing about the world
is that it is comprehensible.
- Albert Einstein

If a problem cannot be solved, enlarge it.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Curiosity has its own reason for existing.
- Albert Einstein

The greatest harm can result from the best intentions.
- Terry Goodkind

I don't think of all the misery
but of the beauty that still remains.
- Anne Frank

If a million people say a foolish thing,
it is still a foolish thing.
- Anatole France

Men and women are not prisoners of fate,
but only prisoners of their own minds.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

The most important things in life
are seldom the most obvious.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The problem with making assumptions
is that we believe they are the truth
- don Miguel Ruiz

The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie,
deliberate, contrived and dishonest,
but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic.
- John F. Kennedy

The simplest questions are the most profound.
Where were you born?
Where is your home?
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
Think about these once in a while
and watch your answers change.
- Richard Bach

When you keep getting the wrong answers,
try asking better questions.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

What we think, we become.
- The Buddha

I cannot teach anybody anything.
I can only make them think.
- Socrates

If you think you're free, there's no escape possible.
- Ram Dass

I think that somehow, we learn who we really are
and then live with that decision.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

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May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie