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W. Somerset Maugham Quote of the Day

Welcome to these W. Somerset Maugham Quotes of the Day from my large collection of positive, romantic, and funny quotes.

It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham

Related topics: Life Human-Nature Psychology

There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham

Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham

You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill PHOTO

 

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde PHOTO

Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw PHOTO


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer PHOTO

Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
- Milton Berle

Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar

My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne

Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?
- Mark Twain

You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks-
if we agree with him.
- Mark Twain

Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz PHOTO

When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller PHOTO

A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec PHOTO

The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous PHOTO

When you think you're out of time,
smile, and turn back the clock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous Saying
(Sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson)

The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid

An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes

One day Alice came to a fork in the road
and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
His responses was a question: "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll

Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole

Times like these, dark times,
they do funny things to people.
They can tear them apart.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)

Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg

Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.
- Stephen Hawking

Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon

When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor

I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.
- Charles M. Schulz

No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

I love deadlines.
I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
- Douglas Adams

Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West

The road to success is always under construction.
- Anonymous

Love is an endless mystery,
for it has nothing else to explain it.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent.
What you lack, is the capacity.
- said by Shrek in the movie Shrek 2

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

Whenever I feel the need to exercise,
I lie down until it goes away.
- Robert Maynard Hutchins

I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

There's a fine line between genius and insanity.
I have erased this line.
- Oscar Levant

True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

All you need is love.
But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
- Charles M. Schulz

When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon

Laugh Loud - Laugh Often
Laugh At What's Funny - Laugh At What's Sad
Laugh At Me - Laugh At You - Laugh At Life
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)

The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.
- Albert Einstein

You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
- Steve Martin

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

I'm just preparing my impromptu remarks.
- Winston Churchill

The trouble with having an open mind, of course,
is that people will insist on coming along
and trying to put things in it.
- Terry Pratchett

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous

Sometimes I've believed as many as
six impossible things before breakfast.
- Lewis Carroll


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May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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