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Rodney Dangerfield Quote of the Day

Welcome to these Rodney Dangerfield Quotes of the Day from my large collection of positive, romantic, and funny quotes.

It's tough to stay married.
My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Related topics: Marriage

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
- Rodney Dangerfield

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
- Rodney Dangerfield

 

I could tell my parents hated me.
My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
- Rodney Dangerfield

My wife was afraid of the dark...
then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.
- Rodney Dangerfield

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
- Rodney Dangerfield


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I have good looking kids.
Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow.
he told me to wear a brown tie.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I haven't spoken to my wife in years.
I didn't want to interrupt her.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I get no respect.
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
- Rodney Dangerfield

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart,
we take separate vacations - we're doing everything
we can to keep our marriage together.
- Rodney Dangerfield

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
- Rodney Dangerfield

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion.
He said okay, you're ugly too.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I came from a real tough neighborhood.
I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
- Rodney Dangerfield

With me, nothing goes right.
My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night.
Now, we'll never see each other!
- Rodney Dangerfield

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Yeah, I know I'm ugly...
I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.'
He said 'God beat me to it.'
- Rodney Dangerfield

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap.
He was in the electric chair.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
- Rodney Dangerfield

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
- Rodney Dangerfield

One year they asked me to be poster boy -
for birth control.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Acting deals with very delicate emotions.
It is not putting up a mask.
Each time an actor acts he does not hide;
he exposes himself.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Life is just a bowl of pits.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I told my wife the truth.
I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist.
Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist,
two plumbers, and a bartender.
- Rodney Dangerfield

My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out
that Big Ben was a clock.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life.
In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
- Rodney Dangerfield

My wife is always trying to get rid of me.
The other day she told me to put the garbage out.
I said to her I already did.
She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
- Rodney Dangerfield

If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
- Rodney Dangerfield

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee.
Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Some dog I got too.
We call him Egypt.
Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
- Rodney Dangerfield

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous.
The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I found there was only one way to look thin:
hang out with fat people.
- Rodney Dangerfield

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I had plenty of pimples as a kid.
One day I fell asleep in the library.
When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a
piece of my finger to my father.
He said he wanted more proof.
- Rodney Dangerfield

With my wife I don't get no respect.
I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.'
The waiter joined me.
- Rodney Dangerfield

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
- Rodney Dangerfield

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me.
He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.
- Rodney Dangerfield

At twenty a man is full of fight and hope.
He wants to reform the world.
When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world,
but he know he can't.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I saved a girl from being attacked last night.
I controlled myself.
- Rodney Dangerfield

A girl phoned me the other day and said...
'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over.
Nobody was home.
- Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot,
but I always found them.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I drink too much.
The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
- Rodney Dangerfield

My wife and I were happy for 20 years.
Then we met.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice -
I don't know if I'm coming or going.
- Rodney Dangerfield

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the
bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
- Rodney Dangerfield

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear
the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
- Rodney Dangerfield

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah,
my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Tough times never last but tough people do.
- Robert H. Schuller

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
- Joseph P. Kennedy

The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with,
but whether it is the same problem you had last year.
- John Foster Dulles

Hang tough... big girl panties today.
- Anonymous humor

Baseball life is a tough life on the family.
- Nolan Ryan

Poetry is ordinary language raised to the Nth power.
Poetry is boned with ideas, nerved and blooded with emotions,
all held together by the delicate, tough skin of words.
- Paul Engle

I really always felt that I was going to be an actress.
I had a lot of confidence in the fact that I would
do well from a very early age.
I didn't know how tough the business is.
- Susan Lucci

Politics is not bean bags.
It's serious, tough stuff.
- Colin Powell

Well, I guess I needed this tough first round to really
put me into that tournament,
to really erase what happened at Indian Wells,
which is now the case, you know.
- Amelie Mauresmo

My character in 'Prison Break' needs to be formidable.
In reality, I'm not very tough at all.
- Wentworth Miller

Real vision demands that we make tough choices.
Real vision is responsible and it is paid for.
- Michael F. Easley

I'm not that tough; I'm not that smart.
I need life telling me who I am, showing me my mind constantly.
I wouldn't see it in a cave.
- Richard Gere

Tough guys don't dance.
You had better believe it.
- Norman Mailer

We are going through tough economic times but things are looking up,
and the indicators are improving not only for large
corporations but also for small business.
- George Pataki

Real leadership means tackling tough problems ourselves
and not leaving them to our children.
- Jon Kyl

Change is tough, people don't like it,
but it is necessary.
Take two aspirins and call me in the morning.
- Christopher Bond

Well, in our business, it's a very tough profession.
- Skitch Henderson


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